musings; for those who do....and for those who don't

marks in time

2007-06-09T00:36:00.000-07:00

Every life’s chapter is read by a searching eye;
And those who tread on our footsteps are just passers
Who walk on by through our story and the times that we have spent.
Those marks you have left will be left in cement for those that can see.
And for those that can read-they will read the words that you have left.

It is just to some, a mark in time;
But for those that you know you have left marks in their heart
And in mine.

Your season’s chapter is seen by each seeking eye
And those who tread in your footsteps aren’t really just passers
Who walk on by, but those who will shape those marks you have left
And take them to heart-remoulding their own life’s cement.
Because they can read those words you have left.

It is to them a great mark in their time
For those that you have loved-And in mine.

john

2007-05-07T18:51:00.001-07:00

As soon as Mary’s final words had left her mouth, my legs, filled with an energy that I have never yet experienced, drove themselves forward, flung my body around and propelled me towards the garden where I knew He was supposed to have been laying. The beating rhythm of my feet against the dusty streets sent shocks through my bones that reverberated through my entire soul, and the only thought that ran through my mind seemed to sustain me. A space once filled, now empty that should not have been. It was impossible surely?

Trees and streets blurred past my face. The day was just being born with the familiar sounds of the market awakening, and my mind desperately searched everything I could remember to try to seek out some hint of evidence, a clue that this was supposed to have taken place. I could feel the heat and wind blowing against my tunic and a sandal coming loose around my ankle. As the ground came closer to my face I remembered the words He so tenderly spoke to us about the House His Father had made.

‘And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.’

The gravel grated my body as I landed in the street sending pain through my chest and a black dark through my eyes. I lay still, with my cheek to the ground, waiting for the throbbing to pass. He knew this all along and countless times had he tried to explain it to us, and oh, how stubborn we were. I turned my aching remains over and rested my head against the hard, dry earth. Was this real? Had He really returned to us like He promised?

As a wave of doubt flowed through me, I pulled myself to my feet, letting the energy of His return flood my heart and I hurled myself forward. I longed to see the truth of all this.

Peter’s slow, sagging body ran along beside me, his fat legs thumping the ground with every landing step. He looked older in these last few days, and even more so now with his head hanging low and greying hair loosely flying around his eyes. We had journeyed together through all of this and once more we were side by side again. Together we had heard Jesus speak of vines and branches, of death and betrayal. We had spoken out about our Lord together, broken bread together, drank wine together, laughed with Jesus together and cried aloud at the sight of His broken and bloodied body hanging limply on the cross. We were silenced together when the Lord’s chest heaved its last and sank with his head hanging in his last moments.

The words ‘If they persecute me, they will persecute you also’ rang through me. I knew that what we had entered into together those three years ago had now altered significantly. Israel had been forever changed since the arrival of Jesus, and in His exit, they had changed once more.

I thrust my body forward seeing the garden and the doorway ahead, leaving Peter behind. Running as hard as I could, feeling my lungs burn with being worked so and my mouth dry with the dust in the air. I lifted my head towards the sky urgently sucking in air, yearning for something to satisfy me.

I stood numb at the doorway of the tomb that lay in the shade. The hard stone grey walls were cold from the morning-a gentle relief from the hot, dry, sandy ground that had just been rushing over my feet.

Empty. The tomb was empty.

Peter’s thudding came slowly behind me, but he did not stop. His path carried him inside the tomb where, with a great cry, he threw his body against the stone table. His chest heaved and as he grew silent, I stooped down to walk in.

White linen strips lay carefully on the stone bench and a cloth folded neatly lay beside them.

He was gone.

My memories flooded me with the words and prophecies Jesus had brought us returning the overwhelming feelings of peace and passion that His presence had so often brought. As my soul released the tears that drenched my face, I knew that His return had come to pass.

Peter’s chest still heaved with deep, silent cries and as I laid my hand against his shoulder his entire body became hushed.

‘Look Peter’, I said. He slowly raised his head allowing his red, wet eyes to meet mine, his great mouth gaping open.

‘Do you see?’ I asked.

Calm.

His face changed, his big brow un-knotted and he struggled to bring both lips together to speak.

And finally, after a long silence preceded him, he birthed his first words with what seemed like revelation and joy.

‘It truly is finished.’

on a dream of community.....

2007-04-29T21:24:00.000-07:00

i watched two love stories yesterday, both unexpectant in ending and both quite thought provoking- Moulin Rouge and Shakespeare In Love, and unwillingly, i watched the end of another today- My Girl. all three explored the tender heart of human relationships, and explored the vulnerability that we endure on that journey- one relationship impossible, one returned but second to honouring a covenant of marriage, and another a life sculpting friendship that ends in tradegy but is remembered with beauty.

the one question that always courses through my mind is 'how does this play out in real life?', or even still, 'is this kind of relationship really obtainable?'. i wonder how much the media has hyped the glory of relationships, and forgotten the hardships and awkard stumblings of the human nature. movies like crash and 21gramms explore in depth the broken vulnerability that we carry [and almost benefit from] when we gently reveal ourselves to those we love-and this is much closer to reality than the unbalanced view of love that we get from the Walt Disney classics, and the even more so unbalanced view of the Bridget Jones duet that airs on the side of ridiculous: but warms our hearts because we know that there are so many elements of the unrealistic in so much of hollywood.

i have a love story in my life right now that is more beautiful than i ever expected, and more fulfilling than i ever realised. i have someone who is so hung up on me that he teeters on the side of insanity, but the beauty of that is that, as much as it seems crazy to me, it is actually normal to him. for us, to think that someone would love us so much that they were willing to be brutally murdered and endure more in the spiritual realm than we can ever think of, would be out of the question. i would like to bargain that there is a minority of the population of our western world that would give their lives for another, truely. but for him, this insane and unrelenting love is comepletly normal.

but beyond all this love from God is another incredible gift. human relationships. not only did God give us an opportunity to be intimately aquainted with Him, but He also gave us friends, family and partners. He loves us so much that He gives us more than just Himself, but He also gives Himself through the medium of others.

the body, in the form of our churches, is designed as an incubator for these relationships-where we get to test drive how we work out our inhibitions, passions and visions with each other, graciously and awkwardly, for the rest of our lives. but it doesn't always work out this way when the troubles of this world get interwound into the way that we are supposed to live, so much so that the body suffers, and our relationships end up tainted and genetically modified by the world. we end up giving only to our needs and birthing a generation that is spiritually autistic-unable to connect their faith with their life.

compartmentalisation is the love child of selfish desires.

community is brutally tainted by the enticing passions that this world so generously gives.

the solution?

without vision, the people perish

i think, we have to have a vision for community by studying the Word, the advice that Paul gives and the model that Jesus painted, to look at other cultures besides our own and feed from their wisdom. and above all, i think time will tell. for those that have a vision of what they know community is meant to look like, to model that.

we have to lead by example.

people don't change overnight. and if one person cannot change overnight, neither can a whole group. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindess, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. these are the fruits of the Spirit-the things that will gently nurture and grow community as we desire it.

patience-the great virtue of community.

and in living out this patience and step by step vision that takes time and patience and the Fruits of the Spirit, we endure with one another, and ourselves walk and work out love in community.

the great thing about Moulin Rouge, My Girl and Shakespeare in Love is that they inspire us and feed our dreams of how we desire to live-the love that will go to no ends to serve another, the friendship that shapes the ways to come, and the love between two people that inspires and ignites vision and passion that God so beautifully placed within us.

favourite song

2007-04-02T13:49:00.000-07:00

Let Go
Frou Frou

Drink up baby down

Are you in or are you out?

Leave your things behind'

It's all going off without you

Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy

These mishaps You bubble-wrap

When you've no idea what you're like

So, let go,

Jump in-what you waiting for?

It's all right'

There's beauty in the breakdown

So, let go, Just get in

It's so amazing here

It's all right

There's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives

And then it rises with the fall

So hand me that remote

Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?

Such boundless pleasure

We've no time for later

Now you can't await your own arrival you've twenty seconds to comply

2007-04-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

THE LORD'S BEEN DOING SOMETHING REALLY DEEP in my heart lately, and especially so these last few weeks. i dont think the experience could be in any way described as 'hormonal' or even cliche, but i feel like im starting to discover something more about being, for want of a better word, human.

being of an emotional disposition in character, i find it very easy to connect quickly with characters from movies or shows, and i soon get lost within a voyeristic life-a life looking in on another. i've never really understood why, and in the past, lonliness has sent me to familiar characters for comfort. but lately, these familiar characters are revealing something new to me, and i know that it is only God that is speaking, purely because i can hear His voice through them.

their experiences and their situations have been dreamt up by writers who share the same human quality as the rest of us, and express through something we can at least hope to understand, things we all share. and it encourages me that they are expressions of something real. although often heightened with comedy and unrealistic one liners, there are still characters desperately lonely, looking for fulfilment, searching for acceptance, being failed, feeling like failures, doing well, getting married, dying, being born, living and learning.

ive been meeting a friend recently who shares with me parts of her personal walk. everytime we meet and everytime she shares some more, i'm moved in my heart to realise what a beautiful exchange occurs. in being raw and honest with each other, we are playing out a state of 'relationship' that God intensely desires from us. and the more i meet with people i love, be it short or long, the exchanges we experience together remind me of my loving Lord who wants the same.

sharing these intimate and raw truths with one another creates something that you both experience-the time together goes beyond the systematic rule of number 1 talking and number 2 listening, and then in reverse, but it fabricates, through each word, something to experience together.

in the depths of a soul lies a longing to be in relationship-an echo of our creator, and in the deep of my spirit is a new feeling of discovery about humanity's role with its creator. we are meant for relationship-that exchange of spirit that goes beyond a conformity, when you share intimately everything. and when that fear of rejection sets in, to carry on further.

and in being afraid of revealing yourself yet continuing to gently bare your soul, you engage in the most beautiful exchange ever known to man.

one day of sunshine and you feel like you own the world

2007-03-26T20:46:00.001-07:00

today was the first day in march that has been both sunny, and warm enough to sit outside and eat lunch. in fact, i think it could well be the first day of 2007 that you could sit outside without being drenched on, gustfully blown, or just downcast upon by some very sodden looking black masses that woefully call themselves 'clouds' [nimbostratus/stratocumulus if i remember my science correctly..low hanging black clouds with a large density of precipitation]

and it was funny how one day [with something that vaugely resembled hope] can change the course of perception. for once, it didnt matter to me that 4.30 came around and i was tired. i didnt care that i had work to get on with whilst it was shining outside, because it was doing exactly that. shining outside. it was glorious. as i sat in the local college atrium, i felt the warmth on my back, people smiled, girls wore skirts and boys wore sandals and all was well in the beautiful kingdom of vancouver.

since january ive been mulling over big life decisions that involve my whereabouts this time next year. now how, when your career is all about other people you love can you make a decision like that?! how can i choose which group of people i will spend time with next year, when your heart is deeply in love with both?

it's like a dark love story, where a woman is passionately in love with two men, but she cannot decide who it is that will have all of her, because how can you decide that? its not a question of 'where' she is, its a question of 'who' and asking the 'who' side of the question makes you asses the ones you love.

Gods been teaching me peace amidst personal chaos in all of this too. And in this conext, it hasnt been the geographical 'where' of it all, its been the personal 'where' of my heart. am i staying in vancouver for purely selfish and personal reasons? [nb ive been discovering too, that its okay to have personal reasons for things....just as long as they dont come before the kingdom stuff] i had to ask the questions that made me cringe to find out whether or not i wanted to be here or there because i want to look good and have a good job with a flashy title.

on the days where the sunset bounces off the tips of the Two Lions and Grouse, where the cherry blossoms line the streets and their smell is more enticing than that of the local JJBeans and where the sun is so bright you feel like you could own the world, i want to give my entire life to vancouver.

on the days where its raining so much your socks can feel it, i want to get as far away as possible.

[i dont in heck know what i will be like as a wife. can you imagine? one day when his hair looks great, ill be all mush and love, and then the next, when the middle age spread sets in, i'll be further away than china. hopefully i will have more integrity and perseverance than that!]

but love is more than fuzz and feelings. and ive really discovered that with God. love is a covenant, which is even more meaningful and loving than a promise or decision. its a promise to stay with the decision, not for prides sakes, but for the sake of something divine. a covenant is a decision full of pure desire for the other to see your true intentions, even on those days when you cannot remember those intentions [God wanted to wipe the Israelites from his book....]

i've even been toying with the idea that we make a decision like this for our church. i dont think time itself has much to play here, we move on with God's leadings, but for those brief months/years that we are based in one church, do we make that desire filled decision to commit and serve? [i dont think to commit and serve your church necessarily means turning up 12 hours early for the service to clean the sanctuary and make sure you know how to use mediashout] to commit to the churches vision and listen out for God's voice when you ask him 'whats my reason to be here in this church?'

it also means that in those days where i couldnt really be bothered with my spiritual walk, i persevere. not because of some great person i will become because of it, and not even for the great feeling that we get when we connect with God [although that is surely a real gift], it is because of that marriage vow, covenant, commitment, desire filled decision.

maybe i am learning to be a better wife than the one who flees at the sight of some grey straggly hairs and the senior moments......

a truth enema [an ode to lisl baker]

2007-02-04T17:02:00.000-08:00

A Truth Enema.
[an ode to Lisl Baker]

-noun Medicine/Medical

the injection of fluid to cause a bowel movement
the fluid injected.

Not something you would necessarily attribute to the Christian faith is it? But upon having conversations of a ‘deep and spiritual’ matter over the past few months, and reading some sort of, quote, ‘post-modern’ literature of late, I have come to the conclusion that some of us need a so-called truth enema.

Maybe I should explain a little clearer. I have been reassessing the word ‘evangelism’, and what it means to me, since reading a particular book on such subject. A ‘traditional’ view of evangelism, to an imagined modern person, would be someone of Christian faith, who strikes up a conversation, either planned or random, in order to share their faith. Now some conversations will be more siding towards the description of ‘forced’ and others maybe not so bold. We also have the ‘tele-evangelists’, again, some siding towards the ‘forced’ region and others less so.

In my experience I have been involved in such ‘evangelism’-at times purely through conversation where I have made my faith choice obvious to the listener, and other times, I have forced myself upon an un-expectant Christmas shopper, armed with a tract that would look like it had better social standing in the late 1980’s, and planned responses in case people had questions, or a retort to my somewhat biased opinion.

As Christians we often have ‘labels’ for the, well, ‘lost’. What do we call someone who doesn’t have faith? Matter of fact, do we even have to call ‘them’ anything?

And thus brings me to my point. Evangelism has been treated as a compartmentalised activity that we so often take time out of our busy weekly schedule to be a part of. Should we not consider that people who do not know or have not heard about the ‘Gospel we profess’ deserve more than bombardment? Of course this matter is one of such importance, but if we consider that evangelism, so to speak, should surely be an integrated part of our lives, it would change the way we look at outreach in a radical way.

The paradigm shift from modernism to, quote, ‘post-modernism’ should not be viewed as a new birth born from an old failure. The term referring to this growth and maturity from one to the other has been recently likened to puberty, in which someone changes, not because their former was bad or in anyway wrong, from a young person, to a teenager. They alter from one section of their life to another, only to have more of these ‘alterations’ ahead of them. In their maturing, they see that some particular old ways are no longer necessary, and that other ‘old ways’ take on a new light because of their new feelings/education/ideas/morals etc. Puberty is not an instamatic camera that can be processed overnight. And neither is it a final destination.

A Christian writer put in a book recently the question that considers Christians to be ‘lost’ rather than those around us who do not share the same faith. He questioned our methods for reaching those around us, and the terminology that we fling around, that is so often not meant to be judgemental, but in reality, most probably is. Recent post-modern light shed on the subject of Evangelism and its place in our lives has turned out some interesting prospects for Christians today. Are we, as people of faith, lost in a world, chasing around and shouting too loud, when we should be reaching out in a way that the ‘lost’ need? Do we need to reconsider our relationships, our priorities in how we share our faith and fulfil the great commission, and great commitment that we made when we ourselves became people of faith?

Do some of us need to face a truth that our job of fulfilling this commission just is not cutting it any longer?

two worlds

2006-12-09T21:48:00.000-08:00

if i stay here;
i cant stay here.
if i go there;
i cant go there.
a thousand different faces all expressed in one;
when the one should be the thousand.
i cant be everybody;
but i cannot choose.
a dance between worlds that can never be satisfied.
one prevails;
because two cannot co exist.
one dies;
the other survives.
does the survivor ever wonder,
ponder and think upon what would have been;
but if all things are worked together for the good,
did the other even exist?
if i stay here;
i cannot stay here.
if i go there;
i cannot go there.
a thousand different faces all expressed in one

Jesus standing in the gap

2006-11-25T15:41:00.000-08:00

Attention: Where did that gap come from?
Application: Jesus the Great High Priest
Appeal: How does this affect OUR story?

Attention: Where did that gap come from?

Romans 3v23
For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Genesis 3v22
The LORD said, "These people now know the difference between right and wrong, just as we do. But they must not be allowed to eat fruit from the tree that lets them live forever."
So the LORD God sent them out of the Garden of Eden, where they would have to work the ground from which the man had been made.

-Go right back to Genesis 3 when Eve and then Adam fell into temptation in the Garden and sinned.
-Brought division among people-Caused fruitfulness to become less -Toil and strife in survival-God had to drive them out because if they were allowed to stay, they would be eternally trying to hide themselves.
-Imagine a relationship with someone you love so desperately, but the other was constantly hiding from you. God had to drive them out in order to bring them back.

What was the consequence of this for them? There was a gap
What is the consequence of that for us? There is a gap

Application: Jesus the Great High Priest

Leviticus 4 Atonement for sin

Atonement

Hebrew: כּפר kâphur (kaw-far)
To cover or cancel, appease, cleanse, forgive

Greek: καταλλαγή katallagē (kat-al-lag-ay)
Restoration to the divine favor

-God continues to raise up a people Israel

-There is still a gap between humans and God so He had to create something that can help close that gap which was animal sacrifice.

-The way was not a permanent solution. It was methodical and had appears to have no real relational meaning. It was a means of keeping God’s anger against sin away.

-Once a year a priest from the order of the Levites was appointed to go into the Holy of Holies to ‘atone’ for the people’s sin. He would present before God an offering to make up for all the wrong things done. The position was serious, and often, a bell on a rope would be attached to the leg of the priest, so that if anything happened he would be able to be dragged out by those that are left outside.

There was still a gap.

-Animals cannot close the gap between a Holy God and His beloved people.
-They were still presented by sinful people.

-Jesus was created by the Father to be our final atonement for sin. Hebrews calls Him our ‘Great High Priest’ who once and for all, was crucified and set before God as an offering on behalf of Jews, Gentiles and the entirety of humanity. He was the perfect sinless sacrifice.

-But there is another element to this. Jesus is not only just a ‘sacrifice’ He is also a Great High Priest who has gone through the things that we go through. Is a part of the Trinity. So God didn’t just create a human who was meaningless, He actually sent a part of Himself to die on behalf of us.

-Not only is the gap filled……..it was filled with His own being.

Hebrews 2v14 onwards
We are people of flesh and blood. That is why Jesus became one of us. He died to destroy the devil, who had power over death.
But he also died to rescue all of us who live each day in fear of dying.
Jesus clearly did not come to help angels, but he did come to help Abraham's descendants.
He had to be one of us, so that he could serve God as our merciful and faithful high priest and sacrifice himself for the forgiveness of our sins.
And now that Jesus has suffered and was tempted, he can help anyone else who is tempted.
(CEV)

The gap is closed.

Appeal: How does this affect How does this affect OUR story?

But it does not end here. Jesus offered Himself as a sacrifice that meant more than just an animal dying.

He was flesh and blood for more than 30 years. He experienced all things that we experience:

Hebrews 4v15
Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin!
So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.

When we sin-we create a gap between us and God.

But we can bravely and boldly come before the throne of God because Jesus, the One who fills that gap for us, knows every single weakness and temptation that we go through, and He can ‘intercede’ or go between us and God, as if He was our representative, and ask God for our forgiveness.

We need to choose to accept that offer from Him. He didn’t just do it so we could go about our daily lives doing what we want.

The gap wasn’t filled so we could please ourselves.

It was so that we could come into right relationship with Him. TRINITY. The trinity can be complete when we accept the offer of His ‘sacrifice’ for our sins that cause that gap between us and God.

eternally his

2006-11-17T10:20:00.000-08:00

Eternally His

This past month has been filled with anxiety and worry about the stupidest of things. And when I am finally free of the things to worry about, I worry about what to worry about next.

For those of you that know me, I am usually one of the more relaxed people, not worrying when something doesn’t work out or when something goes wrong, plans fail or something else comes up. I have usually been the first to think of a solution and try and work things out. I have always loved the verse ‘And God works for Good for all those that Love Him’. I have not really ever been concerned about future, moving continents, knowing in my heart of hearts that God has it all under control.

And then BAM. Worry floods me like the Fraser River will probably flood if we get any more of this horrid rain here in British Columbia.

Yahweh is incredible vast and rich. He runs on forever, never ending never getting shallow, never fading. He is forever deep and wide and high. Everything in this life is known by Him. All things miniscule are under His watchful eye that ‘never slumbers nor sleeps’. He knows all. He is aware of all things that move and have their being in this life and the next. My God is so much bigger than all the ‘light and momentary troubles of this life’. Nothing ever shocks Him, nothing ever ever ever throws Him off His course, He is never worried when I worry, He sees the solution, knows the problem and understands why and how I found myself there.

John 8v12 says ‘I am the Light of the World. Those who follow me shall never stumble in darkness have the light that leads to life’ Jesus never said ‘I am the Light of the world. Now you have me you will never have troubles because I have come to make it easy’. He says that He is the Light of the World. The reason why those of us who know Him and follow Him never ‘stumble in darkness’ is because we have a light. We have the Holy Spirit within us and guiding us. Have you noticed how the darkness changes when you awkwardly fumble around, still drunk with sleep at 2am in the morning, trying desperately to find that switch on the bedside lamp? The darkness suddenly changes. It doesn’t disappear, just like energy. It never disappears, it just changes to something else. Darkness never goes away, it changes with the light. That is why Psalm 23 says ‘Even though I walk through the Shadow of the valley of death’. A shadow is created when there is light.

Light and momentary troubles of this life will never end. We will never find solace in this life. There will always be something. But we have the Light to change our dark times.

And after all this we have another life. Eternity has already started for us that know Jesus. Already we are living out our eternity. We will just shift to another mode when we finally leave, whenever that will be for each of us.

So there is an eternal perspective for all of us. This is not it. This is not the be all and end all. And that somehow makes all things so much simpler. My life will not and shall not end here on earth.

Everything that I do for God’s Kingdom has an eternal consequence. And knowing this changes the importance of things in this life. If I slave away over something that really does not have a lot of meaning, what is its worth? If I spend 10 hours on trying to desperately achieve something that doesn’t help anyone, inspire anyone, bless God in anyway, then should I be spending copious amounts of time on it at all?

All truth that is spoken, I think, will echo eternally too. Jesus spoke truth always-no matter what He said, it was always truth and life. The kind words He spoke, the harsh words He spoke, they came from Heaven and ricochet into forever. Even though at this time, it is against the rules for us to speak the Gospel to kids in schools, it is never been banned to speak truth over them. Encouraging them, inspiring them, loving them inside and out, I believe, will make more of a difference than telling them something that I have memorised and repeat out.

If I love and love and love on them, they will see more of Jesus than my words can paint.

Jesus the Teacher

2006-10-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, I had a really scary teacher called Ms Crook. She has always been old, even when I see her now, she is still old!! She still wears the same old fleece jumpers and has her hair in a bowl cut, wears the round glasses and walks the same. Obviously I’m not scared of her anymore (I promise!!) but I remember one time when I was little, she shouted at me for loosing my little fleece purse that I had spent so long making in class. That was the first time anyone had told me off at school (this is before the biting incident) so it pretty much scared the life out of me.

But from then on, I’ve had some pretty awesome teachers. Throughout primary and secondary school I have come across people who love their job, which consequently makes a massive difference on the students. I’ve had great history teachers, one being the lovely Mr Orr, (who all the girls liked) but I liked him because he let us watch a great movie called Dancing with Wolves in class so we could study the Sioux tribe. He also taught me about the Industrial Revolution and the Fire of London. Great! Then I had the veeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrryyyy scary Mr Jordan (cue thunderclap and scary theme tune), but he was incredible. He was so scary that he got my awful science class to shut up for an hour and actually do some work. And then Mr Clohossy, who I bought my amazing car off of, he got me from a E-Fail in math, to a B-C!! In one year!! (mostly because I fancied him…) and then finally, (there are many more) my incredible guitar teacher, Kelvin! He is a legend and we still spend time together jamming. Kelvin’s been playing guitar for 35 years and will be pulling these amazing riffs while having a full on conversation with you about something totally different. He is encouraging, inspiring and a great laugh.

Jesus is a great teacher. In fact He is the ultimate teacher.
Lets take a look at Mark 4v3-8

‘Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed, some fell along the path and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, great and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty or even a hundred times more.”

Jesus uses things that are familiar to the people who are listening. Kat told us last night that many of the people listening would have understood this because of their living as farmers.

I think that the people would not only have understood it, but been affected deeper because the way that Jesus relates His teaching to their environment. It would be like Him teaching us the parables by using stories of people in school or the office. Its not only easy to relate to because we are familiar with the surroundings in the story, but it expresses Jesus’ care for the people-the way that He wants people to learn well. Jesus understands how people work (He created us!!) and knows that we will respond to something we can imagine ourselves in.

So what do some of these things mean? Seed, sowing, sun, roots, scorching, random crows, soil……

We came up with these ideas last night:

The sowing of ‘seed’ is the spreading of God’s Word (which is an entity unto itself!) God’s Word for them would be totally different in those days….because the Bible wasn’t written yet!! Like Sarah said…..they wouldn’t just pop home and pick up their new PDA with the NIV on it, or they wouldn’t be able to get their Gideon’s from the nearest Best Western either! The ‘Word’ would have been God’s Laws, His love and redemption that was talked about from Isaiah, the talk of His Kingdom that Jesus spoke of so often, and the good teaching that Jesus was sharing. See, the Bible would have been passed down by word of mouth mostly, writing didn’t really happen just yet, not a lot anyways.

Jesus also talks about hearing in this section, later on in verse nine ‘He who has ears….let him hear!’

Anybody have ears around here?

Good - always a handy thing to have those.

So Jesus really means, anyone who is able to listen, then do!! He knew that what He had to say was important and fulfilling. He even repeats what He has to say to the disciples later on in verse 14 through to 20.
The farmer sows the word. Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desire for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it and produce a crop, thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown.

Now, if your Mum says something more than once, you know she means it. This doesn’t always apply to my Mum because she forgets that she has told me something, and sometimes tells me more than twice in a day!! If someone tells you that need to do something, and says it more than once, you know they really need you to do it. Or if a friend encourages you about something, more than once, you know it really blessed them somehow. God decided to put the Gospels in four times!! Jesus tells this parable more than once and is repeated in other gospels. So He means it. He knows that this stuff is the food for our souls.

We also looked at some of the meanings in this bit of the bible. What does it mean to have no root? What are the thorns? What is good soil?

So, the word goes out, people hear it. Some of it goes to people who don’t recognise Satan’s schemes in their life, so it gets stolen from them through temptation or persecution. Others hear it, and don’t really let it soak into their life, so when hard times come, they give up. Some people in this parable hear God’s word but let other worries in this life take over, they let wealth rise up and take God’s place. It says that these things ‘choke’ the good in our lives.

Like we were saying last night, some things in our life aren’t bad to have there. But they get bad when we let them take the place before God. So the desires of this life, like career, grades and relationships are all good, only if they stay underneath God’s place in your life. Letting God be first in our lives also helps to keep our focus’ right. And then some people hear God’s word and receive it, they let it soak into their entire lives and they produce a crop!!

But don’t worry. You won’t sprout crops. It means that if we let God’s word soak into us, it will come out again in our actions, in our way that we love others, in our words and in our conversations that we have with others.

So letting God’s good stuff permeate into all parts of our lives will produce a crop!! But how do we be good soil in the first place? How do we prepare ourselves?
Well. We make sure that all the stuff we let in our lives is good. The things we watch are monitored, the things we read don’t have place over our spiritual reading and our bible reading. Maybe for some of us that means the music we listen to, or the people we listen to. For some of us it may even mean whom we let ourselves be influenced by. It is going to be personal for each of us, but I encourage us to ask God what that is.

He will certainly tell you.

routine

2006-10-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

I like routine. I like to know where I am going and when I am going to get there. I like to know dates and times and details, although I never appear to ask many questions. I like to know what time I get up, what I am wearing and what I will eat, in what order I will shower and brush my teeth in the morning. I like to have time to play music, to watch television and I like to know if my emails are checked or not.

Yet despite all this, I would like to think myself quite laid back. It doesn’t really bother me if details of my day change because I’ve gotten so used to having plans and then have them change, it is no longer a surprise to me. I’ve gotten used, or possibly even complacent with, the fact that my God can change what He likes and whenever He sees fit.

So why is it that I love routine, yet my days seem to continually be lost? How is it that time can slip past me and into oblivion, or wherever it is that time ends up at the end of its span, when I seem to have such a tight grasp of it? Consider it like this; holding sand. The tighter you close your fist around the grains, the quicker it slips away from you. Despite your desperate attempts to keep on to what you have your hand around, it falls away, through the gaps between your fingers and runs down to where it came. But hold out your hand, cup your palm and it sits there quite content until you decide to turn your wrist and pour it out again.

The longer I seem to plan my days, or events, or even weeks, the quicker they go. For the past two years I have lived from year to year planning what I will do the next. I started off this year with the thought of what I will do the next, always hoping to come to some sort of conclusion in my life, finally finding my ‘home’ or ‘calling’ when in fact, everything I need right here, right now, is right here and right now.

I spent my summer thinking about this year ahead of me, in the midst of many things half undone. My flight wasn’t paid for with real money, half the department were waiting on tender hooks, even in the final days right up until we left Texas for Canada, waiting for their Visas. In those days I lived from weekend to weekend, slipping slowly into the world’s mentality of ‘if I can just make it through this week’. It quite frankly wasted my time. I not only wasted good opportunities, but good weather, good memories to be had and a closer relationship with God. Each day I thought about how to make it to 4o clock, trying desperately to coax my mind to wander to pass the time-missing out on opportunities to share my life and faith with those around me in my office.

It’s interesting that we use the words ‘spent’ and ‘wasted’ when we mention time. We ‘discard’ our time, we ‘use’ our time to whatever means, we don’t just live in time, or use it to measure, not only are we in a spacio temporal frame, we live in a constant opportunity that offers us to use to its full extent, our free will. Every waking moment, and even sleeping ones, we have choices to make. Either we can use our time for ourselves, for both positive and negative outcomes, we also have a choice on whether or not to use it to make a difference, whether it be for the physical world, or for those that dwell in it.

So I organise my time, mostly subconsciously and probably so that I have some sort of control in my life that often seems to have little or none. I make sure that I shower daily, and I make sure that I eat. I make sure that my parents and I are in some sort of communication, I make sure that I check my emails, update my accounts, read my book, watch some movies, I make sure that I regularly have some practice with whatever I feel like playing that day, I make sure I’m with my friends, I make sure I keep in touch with those I love that are at home and yet, somehow, the grains that I perceive to be important stay in my palm, when those that are essential slip away.
Some questions have been surrounding me lately. Mostly asking the ‘why’ question and challenging me to re think my motives in my actions and beliefs. So maybe really, my time ‘wasted’ wasn’t really wasted at all? It does not link directly with my physical actions, rather the frame of my mind and the priorities of my thoughts. My lack of time management is caused by a stray and frayed mindset-one that is not thinking on the One that keeps me in perfect peace.

excuse me, but he loves you....

2006-10-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine told me yesterday that she went up to a girl on the street and told her that Jesus loved her.

Firstly, I was struck by the boldness of someone, to just go up to an individual and speak to them a universal truth, that unfortunately does not come naturally to some [including me]. And then I thought about this some more and had a bit of a scare….

Why don’t more people come up to me on the street and tell me Jesus loves me? Do I repel others? Is it something I ate this morning? If this truth is so life changing, why am I not bombarded with strangers from all over the world, coming up to me and telling me the Good News? Why am I not bombarding strangers with it?

Jesus talks about the Sowing and Reaping principle.

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him. Matthew 12v35

What a man sows, he reaps. You plant apple seeds, you get apples [and get this-it doesn’t actually grow inside you if you eat an apple core….I really should tell my Mom to stop telling me that…..I don’t think she knows!]. You plant wheat, you get a harvest of wheat. So if I want more people to be talking about the Good News, does this mean I have to do it myself?

Talking to strangers doesn’t come exactly natural to me. In fact, it is probably the one thing that I try to avoid the most in any given situation. Now, you can’t exactly ignore the lady behind the counter at the Supermarket, because that would be extremely impolite-and if my Mum has taught me anything, it is to be polite, because ‘manners don’t cost you anything’. But you can easily ignore the lady that sits next to you on the bus by reading you book or turning your ipod up louder [this is my method]. I noticed once, when I lived in the North Shore, that almost everyone that takes the Sea Bus to downtown is always excruciatingly attached to an extremely good book. Or I will assume they were good books because no one ever looked up from one to stare at the stranger that was cramped unnaturally close to them, both opposite and in front.

And what gets me the most is that there are people who just love talking to others, and they don’t appear to have faith in Jesus at all. On my way to a posh mall in West Vancouver, I witnessed a conversation between two very recently met strangers on the bus. A girl around 16 was sitting listening to some sort of heavy punk music [I could hear it myself and was quite enjoying it] when a lady came in and sat herself right next to her; despite there being a numerous amount of empty seats elsewhere. They instantly got into a conversation and the woman even asked to listen to her headphones!! They exchanged names, job titles [one was a student, the other lady owned the Booster Juice shop on the North Shore] and taste in music. It was quite an experience just watching the whole scene. And I questioned myself. Why don’t I do that more often? It really does not take much to start a conversation surely?

So a few weeks later, I sat next to this dear old lady on the bus [after shopping again…] and said something like ‘gosh, isn’t it lovely weather?’ [Of course, a very natural topic to me, being British!] And we were off. We talked about skin care in the sun, the difference between the North Shore and Downtown, and she told me the history of her vacations, how she had travelled all around the world to go on different holidays. I told her why I was in Vancouver and we talked about all kinds of grownup things on our 20-minute bus ride back to 15th and Lonsdale.

I’d done it. I had officially broken my barrier in talking to strangers. Since then, I have found myself having all kinds of weird conversations with all sorts of people, talking about music, London [because apparently, according to most Canadians, that’s where everyone comes from in England] healing from God, I even spoke to a women who was, at the time, called Margaret, but wanted to change her name to Robert.

Jesus calls me to ‘go and make disciples of all nations…teaching them the commandments I have taught you.’ Matthew 28v16 onwards. I never realised that to tell people about Jesus I have to actually speak about Him.
I was inspired by Ali’s confession of Jesus to a girl on the street. I want to do that more. But my problem is…I have to actually talk to people…….!

hero

2006-10-14T12:07:00.000-07:00

One of my fondest memories in elementary school in the UK is when a couple called Brian and Sue used to visit us on a regular basis to give assemblies and presentations . They weren’t particularly financially ‘rolling in it’ and nor would they have been deemed ‘professional’ by the professionals themselves. But the one element to them that I remember the most was their charisma, and their ability to get themselves etched into my memory, even as I enter my early twenties.

It was memories of wonderful people like that, that were 100% driven by a passion for what they wanted to do, that drove me to join a British youth and schools missions group that plants themselves into an area for a year or more, and works to connect the local school with the local church.

I’ve grown up always wanting to make a difference. It seems to be a part of my make up, and I remember as a kid, on a few occasions, taking friends and family down to my local duck pond to pick litter. And then as I grew older, I joined the school council, I got involved in as much as I could as a teen at high school, and then one summer, I suddenly found myself becoming a Christian and joining a local church in my home town.

Since then, I’ve found my passion for wanting to make a difference explode. Being a girl, I guess people expect you to play with dolls and talk about horses and boys. Which I did, no doubt (and continue to do….), but there was and still is, something inside of me that leapt and explodes into life when I watch Superman, X-Men, Spiderman or even a Bruce Lee movie. I love the idea of fighting for justice-being a warrior. I’m passionate about the concept of being a hero-and after a long time of thinking; I truly believe that it’s not for personal gain. I totally, 100% believe that it is just who I am. Whether you believe it or not, you are created for a purpose. Whether that is to head up a family, start a world changing business, start a city changing charity, or whatever. My purpose, I have discovered, is to work with people-to try and make a difference.

That’s why I moved to Vancouver with this charity. For a start, I wanted to see a new part of the world and then I realised the actuality of what I was embarking on when I first stepped into a school January of 2005. I met amazing children, wonderful and passionate Grade One students in a school downtown and all I did was make bead key chains with them as a helper in a lunch club. But it was incredible. Then as the year went on I was able to volunteer at a funded reading program where I worked with the same class twice a week helping with one-to-one reading. I was privileged to experience these beautiful six year olds grow in their ability to read. That was it I was totally pumped and fuelled and again, this year I have fallen in love with twenty incredible, mind blowing six year olds, who I have the joy of working with three mornings a week.

I know I’m doing it-I know that I am living the life that God has created for me, and it is so exciting.

I’d love to challenge you-find that thing that gets you totally fired up inside, it can be anything! And do it. Get out there and live the life you are called live -whether or not you believe in God.
You will be amazing.

apology

2006-04-19T22:14:00.000-07:00

i just took a look through here and read my post 'boys'. i must admit, it was almost a year ago and the Lord has opened up my eyes a little more to the human race of men.

i want to say sorry, personally first, to all the guys that i have bitten at, spoke down to and walked on in my life. i have started to see that men are such a gift and a strength to us, and that needs to be uncovered, and i totally beleive that women need to take their place in the world alongside guys, as equals and supporters, as sisters and friends, wives and daughters.

too many times have i not seen the gift that God has given me, the brothers and fathers in my life, and i have trodden on their strength and character by not being who i am supposed to be in their lives.

ive been learning about the warrior, the fighter, the defender and the adventurer that a man is. and that is so exciting, mystifying and beautiful. its another part of the love story God has written for us.
(for those of you who wonder where i get this stuff...read Wild at Heart by John Elderidge)

and i want to say sorry to all men, for those of us who have stamped on you, restricted you, put you down in public and in private, who have hidden ourselves from you, who have denied to you everything you need, and the things you wanted from us, who have hurt you, betrayed you, rejected you, laughed at you, walked away from you, ignored your giftings, ignored your authority, denied you the authority you are given by God, blamed you for somone elses' mistakes, imparted on to you our hurts and our problems, who have blamed you when you find you are unable (not incapable) to 'fix' us, and all the other things we are at fault for.

thats about as much as i can do.

i do want to challenge the women who read this. we need to stop thinking about ourselves all the time and start embracing the things in the men around us, that bother us. those irritating things arent there for your pain and theyre not meant to bug us, but to tell us that there is a beauty, strength and array of gifts inside a man that are meant to be fired up by us, theyre meant to be encouraged, cheered on, released.

that urge for him to defend you, the desire to want more for your life, the want to live adventurously. theyre all gifts from God, not only for him, but you too.

i hope to some of you this makes sense.

to those of you whom it doesnt-think about it.

summer

2005-08-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

so these past few weeks ive been back in the UK, attempting to prepare myself in so many ways for next year.

for something like leading, can we ever be prepared though? surely it is a job that you can only learn the basics of, and then reaarange the lessons to suit the people you are leading. untill you get to know them, surely there is only so much you can do?

life can suddenly take a turn. one minute you are in control of your journey, job and heart, and then the next minute, God moves in a deeper level and everything is thrown into confusion.

for example, my life has taken a huge turn all of a sudden. one second i was quite happily preparing for another year in canada, after some incredible training in manchester and a fab week with some friends from pais in leiceseter.
then my heart is overcome by a new friend. new feelings and new ideas wash around in my head. new feelings that i wasn't prepared for and was ready not to even feel.

but doesnt God work like that? In love, He comes in when we least expect it to rearrange our lives because He ultimately knows better. a whole lot better.

after all He is the creator right?

and that is such a mirror to His return. He is coming when we least expect it, but at the same time there are so many hints. Matthew and Luke have chapters dedicated to the return of Jesus, and the signs that we look out for. and the Jesus Himself says that He doesnt know the time or day He will return, only the Father knows. the Father who speaks time itself into creation. the Father who breathes soul and spirit into every beating heart and spirit. the Father who continues to love His children dispite everything they ever do to Him

including nailing Him to a tree

in the last days....

2005-07-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

just lately ive noticed a lot of really awful stuff coming out of the woodwork and finding itself tucked most comfortably on the front page of our broadsheets. things like 'child of 10 murdered in manchester'. when did this come about so boldly? is there some sort of watershed in the realms of darkness that have suddenly been opened?

the bible does talk of horrendous godlessness in the last days.
so surely that calls for Christians worldwide to wake up and make a point of their faith?

recently i was told of an atheist writing an article in the paper about a church who purpousfully took down their stone crucifix in their graveyard in case of it offending people.
now this atheist turned around and said that the church is becoming weak with their opinions. have you noticed the greatest leaders, christian or non christian, and how their opionions are always strong and never wavered?

if nelson mandella never fought for his beliefs then who knows how the aparthide and politics surrounding that would look today
same with martin luther king. his famous speech would no longer be 'i have a dream', but 'i have a small idea that im not sure if you will like, if you dont like it then you dont have to listen'
if Jesus never stuck to his guns then so many people would never heard the gospel. people would not be living with the joy that so many people in a relationship with Jesus Christ have.

what would the church look like if it truely took hold of its faith and decided to run wholly after God? what would Christians look like if they truely gave their lives to the Lord? whole heartedly.....not just on sundays, or even weeknights and weekends, but wholly 100% not wavering, totally devoted to Jesus.

how would it look?

the answer??

phenominal

the passion that would come from that would spread throughout the world, it would spread from old to young and young to old, it would spread through schools, offices, towns and cities, through religions, people would take notice of what Jesus is doing!! people would be truly affected by the infectious love of Christ. they would be touched, healed spiritually, mentally and physically, they would be convicted by the Holy Spirit just by being the in the same room as another Christian.

if we truly truly went all out for God, our front pages wouldn't be tradegy and murder, theft and brutal attacks

it would glorify God Almighty. it would have pictures of churches over filled with people pouring out onto the streets
it would have people raised from the dead
it would have miraculous healings
it would have pictures of Christians truely embodying Christ.

Jesus will not return untill the gospel is preached throughout the whole world. He will never come untill every nation has heard His name.

we have a major job to do and we cannot afford to do it half heartedly!!

its not about us......

2005-06-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

This morning i drove past a Salvation Army building on the Bus and saw a poster of a girl with the quote underneath

"She is only lost if those around her give up totally"

And it got me thinking.

Sometimes it seems like all i hear is talk like we've lost the battle. One of my pastors calls is a Prisoner of War attitude and for so many, it seems to consume us!

"its so hard"
"i cant do it"
"im not good enough"
"i wouldnt be able to do it"

notice-each sentence begins with 'I'
since when did everything revolve around us?

those of us who have people around us who dont know Christ (and that is most of us) have got to start to heed the call of God to "Go and preach the good news to the corners of the earth" .

of course we cant do it, and obviously its hard. we will never be good enough and if we go on our own strength we will never be able to do it.

but we can do everything "through Christ who gives us strength"

and we need to get out there and make the gospel known.

"Preach the gospel always....if necessary use words"

St Francis Assisi

Paul, in his letters, freely admits that he is not an accomplished speaker. He was so poor infact, that it says in the Bible that a young guy fell out of the window asleep whilst listening to Paul speak! Yet, his words come deep from within a passionate heart and make up a large portion of the New Testament.

So we cant really use the excuse of not being good enough.

Last summer i learnt something new. well...infact....i learnt a few new things, but this was one of them that really touched my heart.

God does not choose the equipped

He equips the chosen.

God doesnt choose people who can do something already! He doesnt call someone who thinks they are well accomplished, too accomplished to do a task that He has in store....

He looks for the willing of heart.

He looks for those who want to be used.

Not those who think they are too good to do anything.

In some cases this is obviously different-we cannot put God in a box.

Look at Joseph for instance, although that story illustrates more of the point that it takes time for God to grow us and move us into the authoritative positions that He wants us in.

we need to be willing.

we need to be driven to rise up and call the world into the place that they should be

to break the lies of the enemy

and to call out to God for Him to bring His kingdom

(we cannot do it ourselves)

the giftings and callings on our lives are each seperate and unique to us. some are called to the secular world and its diverse occupations, and some are called to missions, to give up their lives, to move, even just one town. whatever it is that God has speficiaflly and uniquiely designed for our lives, its all part of His great work, and we have no place to say no.

does a clay pot look at its maker and criticize the work of His hands?

does a pencil look at its owner and tell it how to be used?

does a son of God look at the amazing universe and then proceed to tell God how it should be run?

highly doubful if we were ever to see God face to face.

yet everytime we deny His plans for our lives aren't we saying that subversivly?

God has given us these gifts and talents for the use of His kingdom to come.

surely not?!

i thought that they were for my own personal gain?

sure! you can use them here for your own fame and wealth.

but didnt Jesus say that the Pharisees and Saducees got their reward on earth already by doing that?

there is a much greater reward in heaven for using our lives and its gifts for the advancing of the Kingdom.

so going back to my original point....

we are called to the lost. period. no arguing, however much id like to!

and its only when we give up by turning our own way that the lost really have no hope.

see, its not really all about us at all.....

we have a great hope and good news to the poor and downhearted, which is really all those who dont know Christ.

and we have a divine calling, spoken by Jesus Himself-to go and tell the good news.

so we should really go.

because their eternities depend on it.

8 weeks..

2005-04-30T21:29:00.000-07:00

i returned from new york on monday morning, only to discover that id lost all sense of time, and it was now almost may. somehow there must a vast catecism with all my lost minutes and hours laying there with no sense of worth. i tend to loose quite a lot of time, of course, to my dismay.

so i only have 1 month and 25 days left of pais work in canada. thats 56 working days left. well. minus the sundays or the days off. so roughly 50 days left.

50 days left to make an impact on my youth
50 days left to continue to invest and build relationships
50 days left to be an example of Jesus to people-if i have ever done it previously....
50 days left to experience Vancouver before i return home for 2 months
50 days left to serve my church as well as i can
50 days left with 4 amazing guys on my team

Q: whats 50 days to 80 years?
A: thats up to you...

***

new york was amazing. it was a week ministering to kids in one of the roughest areas of new york- brooklyn. we lived in the ghetto, we worked with metro minsitries as if on work shadowing-no training, no warning. just hard work and hard fun! of course...its all about the kids....

metro ministries is an example of good foundation, the Love of God, the generosity of the heart and the hard work of Jesus. they heal, love, inspire, challenge, resource and build with kids.

and these kids are not your average westerners.

they don't have a lot.

seeing broken homes and broken lives reminded me of the sheltered life i have so far lived. coming from a village to vancouver was a change, but vancouver to brooklyn was a leap. it opened my eyes to how blind we so often are to other people's troubles, pains and realities.

so often we get caught up in the black hole of ourselves that the people around us become obsolete and uninteresting. they become mere playthings for our benefit and the motives of our heart blacken our souls. it is at that point that we need to cry out to God for forgiveness, healing and open eyes.

open eyes to the world are not only important, but integral to a Christian's ministry.

after all, how can you minister to the blind when you're struggling to see yourself?

new york

2005-04-17T22:08:00.000-07:00

well tomorrow i fly to new york. however, i have yet to actually believe it.

do you ever find that big life changing times just dont become a reality untill you actually return?

i wonder if that is a result of a self centered life style...

why is it that humans just dont have the natural instinct to be selfless instead of selfish? so many times ive cauught myself adrift to far off worlds when other people are trying to talk to me. i dont know if its because im insecure when its a one on one, or is it because im so preoccupied with myself and my own gain that i cannot even begin to think about another person's needs? or even, have i made some sort of subconcious decision that their point of view is not worthy of my time?

what is my drive when i ask another person how they are? am i truely concerned for their state or am i asking with another intention-to be vouyeristic and poke at other people's problems, compare them to my own in order to make myself feel better.

with east side vineyard, we've been looking at being emotionally healthy as a church. challenging issues such as 'being broken and vulnerable' , and today we looked at how we love others by listening. sounds pretty easy huh?!

i never realised just how important it truely is to just listen to someone. that person infront of me who is pouring out their heart is acutally real! their problems do actually exist and are totally genuine. why is it that ive never encountered this before?

listening to someone takes time. time is something that we will never get back, so our greatest gift to another is our time. the time that ive taken to write this ill never get back. there is no second chance. there is no other life. this is it. God has given us howver long in our lives and we only have one shot at it. so surely we should invest our time wisely into others, giving them what God has given to us-our experiences that have grown us, our struggles that have made us stronger, our joys that have spurred us on and our lessons that are changing and challenging us all the time.

these things are not for us! they are not for our benefit. they are for the growth of the church. they are for the growth and benefit of those that God has placed around us.
to love others is to give these things.

to give our time that we will never get back is the greatest gift and one of the biggest sacrafices that we can make.

it also shows us that we are not the centre of the universe.

its not all about us......

spring break

2005-03-25T11:39:00.000-08:00

so this week is spring break in canada. and most of the plans that id made havent really come to anything, as per usual. i think my best gift is procrastination......
so apart from moving around beds, checkin out downtown vancouver and watching pointless yet somewhat seemingly romantic movies, ive done jack crap.

what is it with making plans then suddenly deciding to do them tomorrow? (which, by the way, is a day that never seems to arrive.) i imagined myself last week going to seattle and spending a day there, finishing up some reading, taking many photographs, spending time at the cinema, carrying on with my scrapbooking (big craze here...cant beat them?-join them.....) but nothing seems to have come to fruit. ive slept a lot. which you cant help but do in a bed the size of mine....

hopefully next week though, ill do something productive....

the lurgy

2005-03-15T14:38:00.000-08:00

so today i get the day off...woo!
thanks to the excess amounts of lactose in various foods that i eat, my stomach is now at war with the milk dudes and i get to watch films all day....mwahahaha.

i rang england too, only to discover that 3 of my friends also have the lurgy, despite them being 444000 miles away. how strange.

how bizzarre it is too that i can have a conversation with someone in england, even though they are 8 hours ahead and 440, 000 miles away. theres no time delay and no wierd wiring. just normal conversation. i almost felt as if i could walk out and down the road to see these people.

i guess i suddenly felt very far away..........

worship in spirit and truth

2005-03-04T11:43:00.000-08:00

Worship in Spirit and Truth
WORSHIP in the Bible means ‘an act of service’.
-Boda - Hebrew
-Latria – Greek
-"Service" signified the labour of slaves or hired servants.
-An example of this is Joseph.

Worship in Spirit and Truth
-What does it mean to worship in Spirit and truth?
-1 Corinthians 2v12
-Worship with not only our mouths, but with our minds and hearts.
-1 Corinthians 14v14-17
-1 Corinthians 12, 13 and 14.
-You cannot read chapter 13 on its own without reading the other two chapters with it, we need a full overview.

Truth:
-Daniel 3- King Nebuchadnezzar made an idol of gold. His worship was not truth, but the three men, Shadrach, Meshac and Abednigo denied the false worship of other gods, and were true to their God.
-Leviticus 10- Nadab and Abihu falsely lit fire in the temple in order to look good. This wasn’t truth in any respect.
-Mark 7v6b-7- The Pharisees were false in order to keep their reputation up.
-Zechariah 4v6- By My Spirit
-John 4v23-24
-Worshipping in Spirit and truth is something we have to develop. To manifest spiritual gifts and a relationship with the Holy Spirit, we have to be born again of the Spirit.
-Mark 8v27-29
-1 Corinthians 11v2- Propriety in worship
-1 Corinthians 14v26- Orderly worship
-Worship in Corinth- the women were ordered to cover their men would not get distracted. Hair down in that culture would have only happened between husband and wife.
-Paul wanted this from the women, not only because it was appropriate and respectful, but also so that worship to God could be the best.
-Worship in Spirit and truth is not disorderly, it does not cause confusion or loss of control.
-1 Corinthians 14v32
-This passage does not major on musical worship, but on gifts.
-Gifts are from God Himself.
-Worship is not always music.
-Worship is the use of what God has given us for His glory.
-Music is a reaction to God’s greatness.

Authentic worship!!!

-‘Spirit’ is not the Holy Spirit, but our spirits.
-Worship is our spirit responding to God’s spirit.
-Worship in Spirit and Truth is accurate worship.
-People often say ‘I like to think of God as…..’ and then worship that. That’s idolatry!
-Worship must be based on the truth of scripture.
-John 4v23
-To worship in ‘truth’ means to worship God as He is truly revealed in the Bible.

Worship with all of our lives
-Jesus said ‘Love God with all your heart’. He meant that worship must be genuine and heartfelt.
-It is not a matter of saying the right words!
Would you rather receive one or two specific comments that praised what you did or 10 minutes of unheartfelt praise?
-Ephesians 5v10- Find out what pleases God, and do it!
-The heart of worship is surrender. You don’t have to be musical to worship God!
-True worship is surrender and trust.
-Surrender to God is a natural response to a true revelation of who God is.
-Mark 1v 16-17- The fishermen left all they owned to follow Christ.
-We don’t worship out of fear or duty, but love, because He first loved us.
-Everything we do can be in worship.
-We are ambassadors of Christ Jesus. We represent Him and when people know who you know, they will watch your every move.

Place of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit in Worship

Old Testament.
-People could only worship in the temple and even then, it could only be done by particular people, priests, levites etc.
-The Father was not to be approached boldly as we can do now, the approach was regulated.
-Hebrews 12v18-21
-John 4v21-23- from regulated to free.
-Hebrews 12v22-24

New Testament
-The tabernacle separated the Holy Place from the rest of the temple, but Jesus fulfilled the law and allows us to now enter into the Holy Place.
-There are no restrictions upon us in worship. We can approach the Father, Son and Holy Spirit freely.
Holy Spirit in Worship
-Ezekiel 37
- The Bones were made into the form of man, but it wasn’t untill the breath was commanded into them that they came into life.
-Genesis 2v7-Breath of life.
-The Spirit gives life
-1 Corinthians 2v10-16
-1 Corinthians 3v16-The Spirit is in us! We don’t have to call Him down from heaven, He is within us.

Personal Submission
James 4v7- Instructions in submission

It is only when we fully submit ourselves to God that He can work through us fully.
David fully submitted himself to God, and in return, God called him "A man after my own heart".
We cannot run with God and be filled with Him when our lives are already filled.

How can an empty soul know it’s hungry when the stomach is groaning because it is filled?

We cannot worship two things, otherwise we will love one and hate the other.
Matthew 6
"You can’t worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you’ll end up hating the other."
(The Message)

vancouver

2005-03-04T11:28:00.000-08:00

So this is where i live.

humble i know, but ive come to terms with it.
infact, i couldnt quite believe it this morning on the bus, when i overlooked the mountains and the city all in one.

can you imagine coming from a small village like mine to a massive city like this. its surreal. i walk out my house in the mornings to be greeted by huge mountains, which are ever changing. some mornings its so foggy that they completley dissappear. other mornings they just appear green, with white snowy caps.

makes a change from the neighbours gardens.......

thoughts...

2005-03-03T22:43:00.001-08:00

i guess i underestimated the importance of recording events and how you feel about issues in life. i first realised it today when i wrote a letter home to my church and it took me an hour. first of all that says a lot about how much often useless information my head seems to store, and second of all it shows how inept i am at keeping regular contact with others....

the past 6 months have been the quickest, hardest, most surreal and most free of my entire life. ive experienced extreme joy, dissapointment, fear, pain, healing and confusion, mostly at different points i might add, but often these are all mixed in together and come out in random thoughts and other defining, or in most cases, comical moments in the office. which by the way has moved, so if you want to send me amazing gifts, ill give you the new address.

i want this blog to be as real as i am learning to be. somewhere in the bible it talks about being the same in your private times with God and in public, so this is a first step.

life has taken a big leap lately and its taking me a while to catch up with recent events. if this is how quick everything goes outside of education then goodness knows how fast the next 10 years are going to go. im looking forward to coming home, and seeing everyone, but also, looking forward to the things that my amazing God has got planned. if this is just the start then the future is looking incredible.

well its late and i guess i have to make a start at attempting to go to bed. this time two hours ago i didnt think i would have discovered this site.....goes to show how yet again, inept i am at being more assertive.
*sigh*